theunsheathed

when THE UNSHEATHED! invite you to a party…

dare you say no?

maybe you dare.

but daring is a dangerous game my babes, muy dangerous indeed.

our favor tis not to be flippantly thrown away.

for there could be serious consequences.

dont say we didnt warn you, ry.

dont say we didnt tell you this was coming.

nvr wanted it to be like this – but you had to toy with us.

you started this cat and mouse game

now THE UNSHEATHED! is the cats,

and you ry, you are the mouse.

this is ry:

see here – he just helps himself as he pleases.

see ry was once our no1 fan. he was once part of the machine.

now he has cast us aside and in doing so has cast aside his relevance.

how does it feel ry? how does it feel to be irrelevant?

why dont you wear this name tag from now on.

ha ya i went there.

ha ya i would go there again if needs be.

see folks – ry responded ‘maybe’ to one of our facebook invites.

that is a HUGE no-no.

especially when you are committed to giving free relationship counseling at the party

it’s part of THE UNSHEATED!’s “total package” – (we offer a value to our fanbase as we our very fancentric)

take a look:

oh ry? are you there ry?

you are the worst.

you are the effing worst ry.

get your act together – you’re making a big mistake.

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hey everyone

srry we’ve gone for a couple days.

didnt realize how hard the lack of ‘niques would hit.

hits hard my babes, 2 hard.

coming to realize some things about life.

could be too late now – day late dolly short

at least that’s what my dad told me on the phone on sunday.

was telling him about our struggies as an international dj duo

the fame, the fall, the questions that remain…

“child, you taint nothing but a figure to these people regular people.

they can’t love what they don’t know.”

fine dad.  i get it.  you’re right. i effing get it.

anywho.

going forward we will be making ourselves available.

want you to know about us.

the men behind the genius.

so now we present 2 TRU TUES.

each 2TT we will reveal ourselves.

we will let you in.

you will know us, you will love us.

2 TRU TUES. # 1

When LA Johannsen was a little boy in the sticks of rural Mass., he stuck his finger in the neighborhood dogs butthole and the dog bit him hard cuz he felt violated.

peace out.

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All good things must come to an end sometime.

guess now is the time for us.

this past week has been extremely tuff.

tuff stuff.

been tracking our web metrics

all we can say to you – the fan

is how dare u

we work and strive and try to build a content rich blog

but no one can predict fickle tides of the blogosphere.

k, nuff said.

we just wanted to rock your loins with tender disco yams

but you couldnt even kick us down a couple uniques a week

ha ok, nuff said

we gave you everything

but what you gave us taint nothin but heartache.

srsly, nuff said.

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consider this a black-out yall.

THE UNSHEATHED has gone dark.

looking for a candle in all this internet mess.

they blacked out all my sites.

cant find my geocities pages – cant even find my personal angelfire sites.

welcome to the dark ages.

welcome to the end of the world.

oh well – at least the site for the movie ‘space jam‘ is still up and running (dont worry about clicking the press link – no spacejam news at the moment)

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anybody heard from scroto yesterday/today?

please help, not like him, think something happened.

been worried sick all day/all nite, he was about to wear his brand new raw denim jeans in the rain, and i warned him, but he wouldnt listen, do you guys even know what happens to raw denim jeans in the rain?

he didn’t chat me, or even  hit me up on my beeper, scared,  you guys

he was distraught about ‘losing his grasp upon the reigns of the viral marketing beast’.  told him to chill out  ‘n that he needed to pick up my effing fog machine that he left at heathers on New Years Eve and he lost it and left crying, i tried to help, but i had to get to my deskjob.

here are some pics of my fog machine & scroto just in case u guys forgot what they look  like, please post, please copy & share, copy & share, please help us find him & my fog machine too, miss them both so much

if u guys hear anything, please page me, lost without him, lost…

-LA JOHANNSEN

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another day – another milestone.

build off the buzz, that’s what i was always told.

build your buzz home of brick so the big bad buzz wolf cant come blow it on down, lil piggies.

after announcing the news about ‘chella, our content rich blog crested 300 unique web hitz.

officially a viral smash.

can’t say we didnt see this coming. ha

LA doesn’t get it – can’t get it.

that’s why me, sir scroto, drives this marketing beast.

i crack my whip upon this viral marketing beasts back and force it onward.

hya hya onward, beast.

want to share a secret with you – the fan.

going viral isn’t easy.

but going viral also isnt 2 hard.

look at this diagram i just drew up real quick

just copy and send babe.

just copy and send to as many other ‘puters as you can.

but before you can copy and send, it’s important to get juicy content.

just the juiciest bits.

don’t follow this path, and you taint nothing but some jive-turk-fool.

don’t heed this word and your dreamz of going viral taint nothing but a whisper…a faint whisper in the night.

don’t live by this creed, and going viral taint nothin but a wish.

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can’t even believe it.

can’t even believe my eyes, can’t even believe my ears.

feel so blessed – feel like god has reached down his ebony hand and touched us.

thank u. all of u.

but could it really be all luck?

no – probly not.

when you are in a hot dj duo, and are mentioned in the same sentence as people like dj comfy and dj stewey decimal & the get wild 5 – people notice you.

people turn their heads when they see you getting pastrami in your bodega.

ha ya i eat pastrami just like u regular people

people tilt their shades for a better look when they see you walking with ur babe down the streets.

ha ya i go for walks with my babe just like u regular people

but it’s not all good looks and talent.

good fortune = luck x good looks x some effort i guess

it’s about have a content rich blog and exploring every corner of the blogosphere.

it’s about contesting and doing giveaways, like lmtd edish signed mp3s.

just so thankful for all the fans who called ‘chella, made this work – made this happen.

just so thankful for the fans who tweeted at the high powered music exec gate keepers – and key masters- to get us on the bill.

just so thankful period – feel so blessed

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it’s no surprise that being a hot dj is tough.

it’s tough on the emotions, it’s tough on the family.

(dont have a fam just yet, but my babe gets bummed out when im stuck on the decks and cant vibe w/ her on the dancefloor)

the thing is, when the second half of your dj outfit is some hay-seed from rural mass., it makes life extra hard.

always drinking, never pressing the right buttons on his ‘puter

sometimes so drunk he uses stern language w/ Scroto

makes people think we are unprofessional – that we don’t even know what were even doing at all.

but we do.

i know LA was raised by wolves in the sticks of mass.

where men become local townie drunks and chicks become butterface nfl cheerladies

want to give him the beney of the doubt though.

sure he knows how to disco, sure he knows how 2 boogie.

but can he keep the flame burning?

hope so…

…need to believe so

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to our loyal fans, the general public, and the people that came to Heathers that one night when I was too drunk to press buttons on my computer,

just kidding, george whipple didn’t feature us on “whipples world”,  “whipples world” would explode and his eyebrows would spontaneously combust if he came to one of our residency gigs.

anyways,

Scroto has enlightened me to my spiraling list of personal and professional  shortcomings as a human DJ and as the straight half of the international DJ duo THE UNSHEATHED. i  am aware that i’m the reason why there is such a lack of great content on our new website, and i have decided that i will be making more of an effort to connect with you on a personal and digital level.

That being said, check out the BRAND NEW LA JOHANNSEN FACEBOOK FAN PAGE!  You can like it and even post on my new wall.  (also use it if you want to book  me for gigs without Scroto, i’m trying to branch out, you guys)

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